The Ego Default — And the Strategic Art of Getting Out of Your Own Bloody Way

Apr 26

Let’s start with a truth that punches harder than a cold Monday morning: most of the time, the enemy isn’t out there—it’s you. More specifically, it’s your bloody ego.

You might be sitting there, mid-forties or fifties, successful by all outward measures, but feeling a quiet rot setting in. The career’s ticking along. The marriage might still be intact. You’ve probably got a decent watch, maybe a slightly dodgy lower back, and a creeping sense that your best years might be behind you.

Here’s what you need to know: stagnation is often the symptom. Ego is the disease.

Carlo Rizzi, Benedict Arnold, and You

Take Carlo Rizzi from The Godfather. A man not without ambition, but utterly consumed by where he thinks he should sit in the hierarchy. The Corleone family never quite respected him, and instead of proving his worth through quiet competence, he lets his bruised ego pull the pin. One betrayal later, he’s left swinging.

Then there’s Benedict Arnold, the OG backstabber. Decorated soldier, fiercely competent—but forever bitter that people didn’t like him enough, or promote him fast enough. So he sells out his country. All because he felt overlooked.

Sound familiar?

You don’t need to be plotting treason or sleeping with the enemy to know this terrain. You just need to have spent two decades building a career, only to feel invisible at meetings. Or to be married to someone who doesn’t seem to see you anymore. Or to be passed over at work by someone younger, louder, dumber. That’s when the ego pipes up: “They don’t see you for who you really are. They don’t appreciate you. Fuck them.”

And that’s when the ego grabs the wheel and starts steering you straight into the ditch.

Appearing Successful vs. Actually Being Successful

There’s a quiet epidemic amongst middle-aged men: unearned confidence. The kind born from YouTube videos and LinkedIn posts. A mile wide and an inch deep.

It’s your mate who thinks he understands geopolitics because he watched a podcast. It’s the guy in the pub who tells you how to “sort out the economy” despite never balancing his own budget. It’s the dad who uses Google Translate for his kid’s French homework and tells himself he’s being efficient, only for the teacher to call it out instantly.

Knowledge takes time. Wisdom takes hits. And ego wants to skip both steps.

The Strategic Way Forward: Lessons from the Greats

Now, let’s pivot from petty self-sabotage to the long game: strategy. You don’t need a battlefield to think like a general.

Here are a few masters of strategy to remind you that power comes not from loudness or posturing, but from clarity, patience, and perspective.

Sun Tzu

“He who knows himself and his enemy will never be defeated.”

Sun Tzu understood something you probably don’t hear in Monday meetings: deception and self-awareness are weapons. Avoid direct confrontation where possible. Control the field. Choose your timing.

Sound advice for your career, your marriage, and even your internal monologue.

Alexander the Great

At 20, he was leading armies across the known world. His genius? Rapid adaptation. The Battle of Gaugamela is a masterclass in recognising terrain, predicting enemy moves, and hitting hard when it counts.

You’re not too old to learn this. You’re just out of practice.

Napoleon Bonaparte

King of manoeuvre, but also of morale. He used propaganda and perception like weapons. Austerlitz wasn’t just a victory—it was theatre. And you, my friend, could use a little theatre. Not false bravado, but the calculated projection of competence.

Clausewitz

He reminds us that war—and life—is politics by other means. Understand the centre of gravity: in a marriage, it might be respect. In business, it might be trust. Miss it, and you’re charging at smoke.

Otto von Bismarck

The Iron Chancellor didn’t let idealism cloud his decisions. He moved pieces on the board with cold precision. He didn’t scream for attention—he quietly outmanoeuvred every poor bastard in his way.

You want results? Start thinking long-term, not loud-term.

Steve Jobs

Yes, a modern one. He wasn’t nice, but he was clear. His reality distortion field wasn’t magic. It was a belief combined with brutal focus. He didn’t try to please everyone—he obsessed over the few things that mattered. Do you?

The Ego Is a Liar—and a Lazy Strategist

The ego wants to feel right, not be right. It wants to win arguments, not wars. It tells you you’re brilliant when you’re not, and underappreciated when you’re just coasting. It makes you spend more time defending your self-image than building your actual value.

You don’t need to “fight” your ego. You need to out-strategise it.

Here’s how to start:

Catch it in the act: The next time you’re about to justify something, ask—am I trying to be right or feel right?
Slow down your reactions: Ego rushes. Strategy waits.
Stop proving your worth and start creating it again: Not in grand gestures, but in quiet, daily action.
Don’t confuse status with value: Mr. Rolex at the till may have money, but no self-awareness. Don’t be him.

Closing Thoughts: Getting Back in the Fight

If you’re over 40 and feeling stuck, here’s the hard truth: no one’s coming to rescue you. Not your boss, not your wife, not your mates. And certainly not your ego.

But you can rescue yourself—if you start thinking like a strategist. Not a victim. Not a hothead. Not a martyr. A strategist.

Middle age isn’t the end of the war. It’s just a new campaign. And the field is wide open.

Suit up.

Life is a constant evolution, a dance with change that shapes who we are and where we’re headed. And just like life, this site is transforming once more. I don’t yet know where this journey will lead, but that’s the beauty of it—each shift brings us closer to where we’re meant to be.

Change is not a sign of uncertainty, but of growth. It’s the path we must take to uncover our true purpose. And while we may not always understand where life is guiding us, it’s in the act of seeking, of embracing the flow, that we discover our direction.

Imagine life as a river, with its tides, currents, and eddies. If we fight against the current, we tire and falter. But if we surrender to it, letting it guide us, we might just find ourselves exactly where we’re meant to be.